An MSTing of Persona, chapter one.

Written by August while in a state of complete madness.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, you hear me? August belongs to myself, Endril Lei belongs to herself, Tengu was created by Lizzie, even though I draw him, and Spike, sick puppy that he is, belongs to Joss Whedon. This is done not for profit, but for fun.

Four somewhat normal people sit around a table in The Bread Company in the Loop. Three of them seem to be in the process of yelling at the other, a teenage girl with curly brown hair.

"August, why did you have to volunteer us for fanfic reading?" asked Tengu, a guy with somewhat scruffy black hair and pale blue eyes. "Why me? I’m an avatar in it, for Christ's sake!"

"Teng, I’d advise you not to bring up religion again. I will dump this steaming hot, albeit cruddy clam chowder in you lap if you do." August said dangerously.

"It’s still not fair," whined a girl August’s age with long, brown/blonde hair.

"Ah, cheer up, Luv, it can't be that bad." Said an older guy with bleached blonde hair and a leather jacket.

"Yeah, Spike's right, Endril. You've read it before. And besides, Liz needs fanfics of her fanfic. Let's go, okay?"

Sadly, they filed into a big giant theater located behind the service counter and the guy who refuses to give out straws. (Hehe.) They took their seats, August in the exact middle, because she's crazy. Tengu is on her left and Endril on her right. Spike was next to Endril, because she demanded it be so. Endril could be a bit cranky at times.

The fanfic started to roll across the screen, magically changing everything to script format.

 

Poképersonalities:

Spike: …that's not even a bloody word.

August: Yes, it is.

Chapter One- It Begins

Tengu: The beginning of the end.

Endril: I think I see the four horsemen now.

Spike: and then it ends, suddenly, story over, goodbye.

August: hah! Fat chance, vamp boy. Sit down.

Yeah, yeah, I know you're just dying to sue me, all of you 4Kids executives, but no deal.

Tengu: (exec) Damn.

August: (other exec) who does this Lizzie think she is, to call off our deal. We'll show her. Vito! Rocky! Let's get this uppity author some cement shoes….

*Ahem*

Endril: Four score, and seven years ago….

Spike: Not funny.

Endril: jeez…

Lizzie owns Pokémon in apositively

August: now that, that is not a word!

no way whatsoever. Lizzie

Spike: likes to talk in third person.

August: Bob Dole says she's a doofus!

has absolutely nothing to do with 4Kids Entertainment, Gamefreak, Creatures, Warner Brothers, et cetera, et cetera.

Tengu: Well, that's good to know.

Endril: I bet she's a paranoid G-man instead.

August: Fight the man!

However, Poképersonalties

Endril: She just misspelled her own title!!

in itself belongs to nobody but her her her,

Spike: and now she has a stutter? I'm confused.

(unless noted otherwise), and if you steal the idea or the artwork or the characters of her wondrous fic

Tengu: My, she's also humble as well as paranoid.

August: she created you, moron. She can take your existence away in an instant.

Tengu: She wouldn't dare! I'm the Eternal Pestilence!

without she being first contacted in the matter,

Endril: (person) hey, can I steal your ideas?

Spike: (author) duh, sure…

she will personally hunt you down and kill you.

Spike: Violent little bugger, ain't she?

Tengu: Oh. No. I'm so scared.

She gots the connections.

Endril: With who? God?

August: George Lucas?

**Don Vito Corleone shakes his fingers and says "Basta..."**
**Leon the Professional drinks a glass of milk**

Tengu: Okay, now I'm scared. This girl's crazy!!

 

The second she spotted the old woman, Misty dug out her wallet.

Spike: Is this the start of the story? Rather abrupt.

Endril: Are they at a flea market?

Tengu: Is the old woman a prostitute?

Others: Eww.
"Hold on a second, Ash." she whispered to her youngest friend as they walked. "Let's see if this lady up here wants to sell us anything."

August: Ah, Misty's dragged them along to go shopping. No wonder Ash wants to leave.

Tengu: I say the old lady's the Gastly from Maiden's Peak.
Ash squinted at the figure, waiting patiently at the side of the road,

August: (Misty) maybe you should get some glasses, Ash.

as they approached her. "What for?" he hissed back. "Do you know her or something?"

Tengu: (Misty) yeah, she's my grandma, she's crazy and needs food for her hundreds of Meowth.
"Of course not! I'd just like to help her out, that's all."

Endril: since when is she a good Samaritan?

Spike: Maybe she feels bad for all the Psyduck abuse.
Brock smiled. "That's actually pretty nice of you, Misty."

August: (Brock) that old lady's pretty.
"Ka." Pikachu agreed, perched atop its master's head.

All: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Ash scoffed. "Yeah, why can't you be more like this all the time?"

Tengu: (Brock) maybe the doctor gave her a cure for permanent PMS.

(August and Endril whack him upside the head)

Tengu: What was that for? It's true! Misty's a bitch!

August: I guess you're right….but watch it with the PMS jokes.
Misty growled. "You watch it, Ash-"

August: see, I told you.

Spike: That's kinda scary.
"Excuse me."

All: What?
The soft, kind voice gently smothered Misty's threat.

Endril: (Misty) aghh! Help! I'm being smothered! I can't breathe! Mrrph!

Tengu: maybe the voice is actually Ash's Muk.

"Pardon me." the woman smiled. She didn't look very old, Misty realized, now that they were closer to her.

Spike: then why did the author just say she was an old woman?

She looked a little tired, and she was a small woman, but she still possessed an attractive face and a healthy-looking body.

Tengu: I told you she's a prostitute.

August: I think Misty's a lesbian.

"I was just wondering-"

Endril: when this story would be over? So were we.
"Of course! We'd love to buy something!" Ash blurted, grinning falsely.

Spike: so, he wasn't really grinning, or does he not want to buy anything?

August: I'm confused.
"Very smooth." Misty muttered.

Tengu: (Misty) moron.
The woman looked a little confused.

August: Welcome to the club, lady.

"Oh, I don't have anything to sell." she corrected the boy politely.

Spike: (old lady) but donations would be greatly appreciated! I need food…
The ten-year-old turned to his female companion

Tengu: Female companion? Just say girlfirend. This seems to be one of those Ash/Misty fics, anyway.

August: Maybe Ash is gay. Then he and Gary can be happy forever. (sigh)

and scowled. "Nice call, Misty." he mouthed angrily.

Endril: (Ash) who's the moron now?
Misty blinked, bewildered. "But I could have sworn. . ."

Tengu: Misty's turning into a flake.
"Huh?" Ash looked curiously at his friend, waiting for her to finish.

Endril: Misty often took a while to finish her sentences.
Misty blushed faintly, feeling a little stupid.

August: A little? This girl's the captain of the moron brigade!

"I just had a feeling. . . that you had something for us."

Spike: So now she has premonitions?
The woman smiled warmly. "But I do." she spoke softly.

All: ooh, creepy.
Brock blinked.

August: how can you tell?!

"But you just said-"
"Oh, not to sell." The woman chuckled pleasantly. "As a gift."

Tengu: (old lady) consider this a 'free sample'. next time, you'll have to pay for your drugs.
She reached into a deep pocket on the front of her long, brown dress and brought out

Endril: a baggy full of weed.

Spike: a handgun.

August: (old lady) hand over that Pikachu!

Tengu: (Ash, whiny) gasp! It's Team Rocket! You'll never get my Pikachu!!

four glittering amulets, hanging on leather thongs.

Spike: * snickers *

August: Don't even go there. (Tengu starts singing the Thong Song) shaddup!

Misty caught her breath at the sight of the four pendants.

Endril: (Misty) gotcha, you darn breath! Trying to escape again, weren't you?

They weren't extraordinary, but there was something about them that took her breath away.

Tengu: (misty) aww, come back, breath….* gasp* need….air….

"These are for you." the woman explained, her words barely heard by the four spell-bound travelers.

Spike: they've been put under her evil spell, and were turned to zombies.

"Please, take them."

Tengu: (old lady) you stupid idiots!! Are you deaf?! ..oh, wait, under the spell, I remember, nevermind.
Ash reached out for one immediately, awed.

August: (Ash) wow…I'll just snatch it now, if you don't mind.

The woman, however, withdrew the amulets quickly, breaking the spell.
Endril: (old lady) snot nosed brats…always wanting free stuff..

Spike: (old lady) aw, great, I broke me own damn spell!

"Hey. . ." Ash began angrily.

Tengu: more like, whinily.

August: I've decided whinily is now a word. Good one, Teng!

Tengu: thanks.
The woman stopped him with a sharp shake of her head.

Spike: she must have a pretty sharp head, then.

Endril: (misty) oww! You cut me with yer head shaking!

"You have to pick wisely." she scolded gently.

Tengu: what kind of imbecile scolds gently?! That's not even possible!

"Choose from your heart."

August: Aw, jeez, is this gonna be a sappy Disney movie crossover?

Spike: if I see The Little Mermaid show up, I shoot to kill. * pats rifle*

She held the pendants out again.

Endril: (old lady) here you go, dear. Oops! Too slow! Hahaha!
Misty looked closer at the four stones.

August: Misty was actually almost blind.

They were circular, but flat, as if they had been worn down by centuries of erosion.

Spike: where have these things been? I mean, erosion? What the hell's that all about?

All four were different colors: blue, green, red, and a soft purple.

Tengu: but that wouldn't matter if you were colorblind.

Endril: and the purple one is soft, compared to the sharp, acidic colors of the other stones.

They shone dully,

Spike: once again, using oxymorons.

but they were beautiful nonetheless.
The girl peered closer at the blue amulet. What had at first appeared to be a smooth surface suddenly revealed itself to have intricate, delicate, almost invisible carvings all over its face. Misty squinted her eyes and looked harder.

Endril: suddenly, a giant mecha popped out of the amulet and killed them all.

August: and that, my friends, is how Dilandau took over the pokéworld.
The indistinct designs slowly worked themselves out, forming into a complicated, but nevertheless obvious, shape.

August: *bitterly remembers playing Pokémon Gold at two in the morning * damn Houhou puzzle….
"It's a Squirtle!" she breathed, reaching out to touch the surface of the amulet.

Spike: which shocked her viciously.
"A Squirtle? Wow, let me have it!" Ash cried, interrupting her sense of awe.

Tengu: (misty) dammit, Ash, you ruin everything!! I want it!!

August: (ash) nuh-uh! It's miinnneeee!!! Waahhh!!

"I've got a Squirtle!"

Endril: he managed to remember he had other pokemon besides pika-crap? I'm impressed.
"Tough luck, Ash Ketchum!" Misty cried, grabbing the pendant before her friend could. "It's a water Pokémon, and water is my specialty!"

Spike: you say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is.

August: yay! That movie rules!!!

Endril: David Bowie is sex on a stick!!

Others: *give Endril a weird look *

She glanced at the other pendants. "Besides, there's a Bulbasaur right there." She pointed to the green one, dangling from the woman's fist.

August: (ash) gee, Misty, I never would have guessed that, what with bulbasaur being green and all. Thanks!

Spike: okay, twenty bucks says the red one is a charmander.

August, grinning evilly: you're on.
Ash whirled around to examine the green amulet. "You're right!" he crowed after a minute of sorting out the design. "How could you tell?"

Endril: Misty's a psychic! Wait, the shouldn't she have gotten the purple one?

August: shut up! Don't give away the plot!

Endril: aw, the guys are too stupid to realize anyway.

The girl shrugged. "Dunno." she replied casually, though she herself marveled at how she had deciphered the picture so quickly.

Tengu: she doesn't know her own mental strength.
Ash whipped the amulet out of the woman's hand.

Spike: (old lady) ow! You little bastard, give it back!

"Well, it's mine now!" he cried. "Cool!"

All: *shake their heads sadly *

August: poor, easily amused Ash.
Brock was leaning forward, inspecting the red amulet carefully. Finally he sat back, satisfied.

Tengu: wasn't he standing before?

August: try not to think about it, sweetie.

"That's what I thought." he said quietly, more to himself than anybody else. "It's a Vulpix."

August: HA!! Pay up, Spike!!!

Spike: it's not bloody fair! You've read this before!

He looked up at the woman. "It's perfect." he murmured.
"It's yours." she murmured back.

Tengu: giving him a 'come hither' look.

Endril: okay, eww.
He took ahold of the pendant and pulled it away from the woman's grasp. "Thank you."

August: (old lady) damn kids, taking advantage of my arthritis….so feeble….need calcium..
"Oh, yeah. Thanks!" Ash cried hurriedly, remembering his manners.

All: *gasp * he has MANNERS??!
Misty smiled shyly. "Thank you." she told the woman.
The woman smiled back. "But wait." She held out the purple amulet. "You've forgotten one."

August starts growling for no apperant reason.
Misty strained to decode the carvings but to no avail. "Oh, it doesn't matter." She waved it aside.

Tengu: (Misty) because purple is a gay color!

Spike: maybe they should give it to James. *snicker *

"There's nobody to take it anyway."
The woman chuckled again. "It seems to me that you're forgetting an important member of your group."

Endril: (Switch) oh no, not like this….not like this.
"Chu!" Pikachu added reproachfully.

August: kill the rodent!!!! It must dieeeee!!!
Ash grinned. "Okay, Pikachu, you can have the fourth amulet."

Tengu: he said in his trademark dopey voice that grates the nerves of all sane people.

He took the pendant from the woman, who gave it willingly, and fastened it around his Pokemon's neck. "Looks great, Pikachu!" he laughed.

Tengu: big freaking hyuck.
"Pika!" the mouse smiled, fingering the stone happily.

Spike: whoa! Pikachu's getting a bit too friendly with the purple amulet!
The woman patted the Pokémon on its head. "You four get going now." she said kindly.

Endril: but she knows pikachu's not supposed to-

August: shaddup! You're messing up the story!
"Okay! Thanks again!" Ash cried over his shoulder as he continued down the road, examining his new pendant proudly.
Brock waved good-bye. "Thank you." He ran to catch up with Ash.

Tengu: what a bunch of saps. I hope this Lizzie person doesn't make me as lame as them.

August, whispering to Endril and Spike: I think he's been posessed by Gary Oak…
Misty hesitated. "Listen, I don't want to just take these. . ." she said slowly. Digging in her wallet, she fished out a twenty dollar bill.

Spike: fished out, ha! She's a WATER pokemon trainer! Hahah!

Her last twenty.

Endril: jeez, these kids need to get jobs.

"Please take it." she said, pressing it firmly in the woman's hand.

August: Misty is never this nice.

Tengu: really out of character. Sad, really. Pathetic.

The woman smiled. "Oh, I can't." she said, offering it back.
Misty ignored the woman's efforts to give back the money and walked away slowly. "I wouldn't have it any other way." she called back. "Thank you!"
The woman waved fondly.

Spike: (old lady) I'll miss those kids, bless their thieving little hearts.

Tengu: (old lady) I worked for three years making those carvings, all I got was a fricken twenty?!

Turning back to the road, Misty reached into her pocket for her amulet to find a piece of balled up paper that hadn't been there before. Pulling it out, she uncrumpled it --
to find a twenty dollar bill.

Endril: the old lady is David Copperfield!!

Spike: or that guy who was encased in ice for three days!
"Hey. . ." she muttered. She turned back to the woman.

August: Who had disappeared as mysteriously as she had come.
The woman was gone.

Tengu: predictable.

Endril: you really hate this story, don't you?

Tengu: with a passion.
Misty stood silently for a moment. Then she smiled and pocketed the money.

Spike: so…. she's not disturbed by any of this? And she's keeping the money?

Rubbing the blue stone between her fingers, she followed after her two friends.

Endril: but the morons walked smack into the ending of the fic, and were killed.

On to chapter two!</

Tengu: I don't think so.

Spike: Wrong-o.

Endril: aw, come on, it can't be that bad.

August: it gets better, really it does.

Tengu: there's no way I'm staying to watch more of this idiocy.

August: but…..hey, there's a southern chick you can make fun of later!

Tengu: *eyes sparkle * really? It's been so long since I bashed southerners….

Endril: atta boy. Onward!

~End~

So, was that a joyous romp or what? Stick around for more wacky fun as the riffing crew makes mincemeat out of chapter two. I had a lot of fun writing this. I just hope Liz doesn't kill me for bashing her excessive use of the thesaurus. Endril was used with permission, by the way. And I don't mean the archer from Runesword. There, Endril, you happy I plugged your favorite series?