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Wonderland Burning!
(This title makes no sense!)
An MST of Persona, chapter 6
"The Explanation"
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except a few avatars I'm working into yet
another Persona fic, and none of them are Mary-Sues. I hate May-Sues. Jhonen
and all his fuzzy characters belong to him. I refuse to believe that
Nickelodeon has anything to do with Zim. They're just not cool enough, in my
opinion. Bun-Bun is from Sluggy Freelance, and guess what? That's not mine!
Wow! In fact, since this is a fanfic, it should be pretty freakin obvious that
I don't own the characters! It is a fanfic of a fanfic by LizzieMu, and she
don't own the characters, either! Wow! So much fictional action! Crazy! (Yes, I
need sleep, shut up.)
Summary: Why am I writing a summary of an MST? At any rate, this one is a
bit more weird than the other chapters.
Rating: R, as usual. For language. I have awful language, I should tone
it down. I'm also mean to lots of people. But, then again, what are MSTs for,
anyway? You can handle it. Actually, it's really more like PG-13 if you don't
mind the 'f-word'. Go read now.
******************************
Everything
seemed to be going remarkably well. Due to some strange spatial anomaly,
everyone was remarkably in character for a few days. August's writing style
became more akin to that of the late Douglas Adams, and so began making no
sense whatsoever. Lizzie, meanwhile, was waxing poetic about the glorious and
radiant creation of God known as Darren, to the point where everyone just
wished she would shut up. Endril had lost most, if not all her mad computer
skills, except to excellently manipulate the American Girls Theatre game, and
find the exact handholding moments in lame (but funny/cute) movies. Gary had
reverted back to nasal asshole mode, and so had been locked in his room. Tengu,
in an attempt to take over the world, had to have the snot beaten out of him by
Lizzie, Endril, August, and Bun-bun. The said rabbit was, still, locked in the
closet, which now had an impermeable Force-shielded lock on it. Jhonen had
spent roughly seventy-two hours on a slurpee, skettios, and late-night drawing
binge, and had collapsed in a corner. Amber divided her time between giggling
like a maniac and being terribly depressed.
Actually,
now that I think about it, I guess that really isn't remarkably well, is it? I
mean, how could that be good? And why did I even write that paragraph in the
first place? I have a Latin test tomorrow that I need to study for, for God's
sake!!
(Here it should be noted that the author, August DuMonte,
has suffered a severe nervous breakdown. At present, the only known cure for
this kind of trauma is a mixture of Coca-Cola, loud, angsty music, and
prolonged exposure to Ewan McGregor.
August {the author, mind you, not the character} shows no sign of
improvement, and only sits in a catatonic state, much like a recent episode of
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All will hopefully be returned to normal soon. Thank
you for your patience. ~~The management)
Later, when
everyone had pretty much reverted to normal fan-fic mode, the Twerps decided to
pay a call on our heroes. (At this point, several of Lizzie's fans became upset
that August was portraying Ash and company as the villains. August did not like
this uprising, even though it should be noted that there is no reason for Ash
and his friends to be the bad guys in this fic, other than the fact that
they're "workin for the man, and they piss me off." {August} The said author
was not in a state to be fucked with, and damned if she'd let those sheltered
little goody two-shoes commie kids break her. Using the awesome power of
SPOOKY, August hunted down those twerp-wannabes and clubbed them to death like
baby seals. Not that August has ever done anything criminal towards anyone, or
intends for this work of {fictional!!!}
literature to be viewed by anyone in the administration of her school. Because,
with all that zero tolerance, you can't even write things to express yourself
that seem 'disturbing' to the general public, or else you get sent up the
river. It's just another plot from the government to get us 'artsy kids' to
conform. Damn the man!! {Lucas is cool} Our only hope is that people like the
great and wondrous Jhonen Vasquez continue to write things that piss people
off, making the world safer [and more fun, dammit!] for people who have lost
faith in humanity. Also, clubbing baby
seals is sick and wrong, but makes a nice analogy in this case. Don't hurt the
seals, kids. They've got sad puppy eyes.)
"August,
what the hell are you typing?" Lizzie asked. She was disgruntled, since she
hadn't seen Darren for a full three hours. (Hi Darren! *waves*)
"Umm…. I'm
not sure, really. I was writing more of the MST, but I got all distracted and
rant-y."
"How can
you be writing the MST, when you're a character in it?" Endril asked. "This
whole realism thing is annoying."
"Where the
hell is the fourth wall?!!" Jhonen screamed.
"I do not
know.," said August sadly, after sighing something fierce. "I just need to keep
writing, don't I?"
"Yess…."
Lizzie hissed, in a rather disturbing impression of Zim. "You must keep
writing…writing for ME! WRITE, YOU PITIFUL STINKING MEAT-BEAST!!!!!" August
then backhanded Lizzie into a wall, whilst Jhonen nervously applauded her
speech.
"Well, that
was fun." August decided.
"Ooh, hey!
Hez is on!" Endril cried. (Hi Hez! *waves* sorry bout the crappy cameo!)
"Heh
heh….I'll show that British snot who's superior! Ahahaha!!!!" just as August
was about to go into (yet another) evil laugh, the Twerps kicked her off AOL with
their call.
"Okay, you
losers," Ash began.
"Stop
stealing my lines, you brain-dead monkey!!" Gary screamed. Endril hugged him.
"Hey,
Gary…" Ash continued, undaunted. "You think maybe you and me could get together
sometime?"
"Keep the
fuck away from me!!!!" he was now twitching slightly. Endril hugged him.
"What
exactly do you want, twerp?" Lizzie began. "We're really sick of hearing from
you."
"Go read
chapter six, okay?" Misty said bitterly. (In accordance with the fanfiction
out-of-character guidelines, Misty is now the voice of reason among the twerps.
Go figure.)
"Fine. I'm
tired of sitting around. You guys don't even give us any good drugs." August
said sarcastically.
"I think
we're earned narcotics, don't you?" Lizzie added. Jhonen poked her in the temple with a mechanical pencil.
"Drugs are
bad." Lizzie couldn't hear his moral message, however, since she was doubled
over in pain.
"Great job,
J-man. Let's just carry her into the theater." August said, glaring
meaningfully at the twerps.
*********************************
Jhonen: hey, where's Amber? She hasn't been around lately.
Amber (popping out of nowhere): Eheee!! I have fun
necklace!!! (She's wearing one of those kickass chain thingies I lack the
vocabulary to describe. Identical to the one Jhonen wears.)
August: GIMME NECKLACE!!!! (August tackles her, screaming
things like 'mad hamster scratchy!' all the while)
Amber: Dude, that hurts! Get your own!!!
August: Hmph. Fine then. Hey, Jhonen? Can I borrow your
necklace?
Jhonen: Uh, sure….(he's got one of those 'please don't hurt
me, crazy person' looks)
August: Yay! Holy relic!!!
Lizzie (waking up) :Can it really be a relic if he's not
dead yet?
August: well….
Lizzie: because I can remedy that! (she goes after Jhonen
with a ballpoint pen) You stabbed my brains, you chemically enhanced bastard!!
Jhonen: AIEEK!!!! (runs in terror)
Amber: Lizzie! You forget what you do!! Dare you hurt the
Almighty?!!
Lizzie: well, Y'know, I haven't seen Darren in a while
and…*sniff* …I miss him…
(group 'AWWWW')
August: okay, enough o'that. I want to get this over with.
Lizzie: Don't say I didn't warn you…
The three friends were packed and ready to go.
Jhonen: Off to visit grandma. But granny's dead, kids! She's
DEAD!!!
Amber: (church lady from SNL) well, isn't that special..
Their sleeping bags were rolled up, their pajamas folded
away neatly in their backpacks, the cooking supplies tucked back in Brock's
knapsack.
August: Ugh. It's all so…organized.
The three Pokémon
trainers were ready to go, but instead they sat around the empty campsite in a
circle, staring at each other silently,
Jhonen: wow, lotsa action there.
Amber: Fun vegetable action! WOOOO!!!
each clutching a medallion defensively.
August: What, it's not like they're gonna steal from each
other….oh, wait, previous chapters, never mind.
Lizzie: I never realized how much Anarchy I put in here.
Pikachu was curled in Ash's lap, and the boy scratched his
Pokémon's ears absently as he watched his friends, stone-faced.
Jhonen: Mental illnesses aren't funny, kids.
The silence and tension was unbearable.
August: I Can't BEAR IT!!! ARGH! The TENSION!! It drives me
MAD!!!
Finally, Misty spoke.
Lizzie: cover your ears, everyone! For the love of GOD!
"We deserve to know what's
going on."
August: yeah, like what the hell happened to the paragraph
format.
Her amulet flared red. "I
agree. We promised we would explain, and we will."
Amber: ACK! The voices are angry!!!
Brock's
amulet began to glow. "It's a very complicated story."
Jhonen: (green amulet) too complicated for your simple
minds, obviously.
"Very
complicated, and very long." Ash's amulet was alight now.
Lizzie: Thank you, self, for supplying useless detail while
attempting to identify the speaker.
"I think we might
have enough time to listen," Brock said dryly. "Let me check my
schedule."
Amber: is Brock trying to be….*gasp* funny?
Jhonen: good God! It can't BE!
Lizzie: The end is near!!!
"Quiet, you," the
green amulet said sternly.
August: ha, Brock is so whipped.
"Don't worry, we have no intention of keeping you in
the dark. But if you don't shut your mouths..." It trailed off threateningly.
Jhonen: I'll kick your ass bloody!!!
Misty rolled her eyes.
"Oh, just get on with it."
August: Misty is such a feckin valley girl.
Jhonen: is feck even a word?
August: it is now.
"Right."
The green amulet flickered hesitantly.
Lizzie: now the amulet is whipped.
"Where
should we begin?"
"From the
beginning?" Ash suggested.
All: Good thinking, moron.
The voice paused. "Good
idea. From the beginning."
Amber: why do I feel compelled to sing stuff from The
Sound of Music?
August: because Moulin Rouge is awesome.
Lizzie: that's true!
August: you still haven't seen it, even! Who's obsessed now?
The
red started first. "Okay. First you have to understand how we all came
to be."
Jhonen: see kids, when two people really love and respect
each other…
August: okay, see, no. Just stop there.
"We?"
"Us. The world. Your
whole idea of existence."
Amber: Are you spoon-feeding us Bible teachings again,
Lizzie?
Lizzie: No! I swear!
August: *cough* perfect white American *cough*
Lizzie: Heyy!!
Jhonen: *cough* Hitler's Golden Child *cough*
Lizzie: I am proud to be Aryan!!
"Oh,
because that makes lots of sense." Ash rolled his eyes.
Amber: what does Ash "I'll use Pikachu against an Onix"
Ketchum know about sense?
"You kids are seriously
going to have to work on your attitudes if you want us to work with you," the
green amulet said crossly.
August: the green amulet seems a lot like a really pissy
white guy.
Lizzie: like The Stick, you mean?
Misty
sighed. "Okay, okay, we're sorry. Now you," (she glared pointedly at
Ash and Brock) "keep your mouths shut, and the rest of you" (she
waved vaguely at the three amulets, which the friends had laid out in a circle
in front of them) "start talking."
Jhonen: who died and made her leader?
Amber: (Ash) but the show's about meeee!!
August: (green amulet, whiny sheep voice) you guys, we don't
have a leader. We're an entity.
The blue amulet flickered in
amusement. "You've got quite the handful," it told the red
amulet.
Lizzie: looks like the blue one doesn't know about tact
either. I guess it and Ash were destined to be together.
Misty grabbed the amulet and
prepared to fling it into the horizon.
August: Didn't you use that line in your Ranma crossover?
Lizzie: Don't mention that! It was crappy writing!!
"Hey,
what're you doing, Misty?!" Ash cried shrilly, jumping to his feet in
alarm. "Put it down!"
Amber: (Ash) I'll never let you have my Pika-uh, Amulet!!
The boy's amulet was equally
distressed. "STOP! I'm sorry! Please don't!"
Jhonen: well, we know who got the wussy amulet.
Lizzie: (Ash) wussy, I choose you!
August: (amulet) Wu-sy! Wu wussy SY!!
"Now,
Misty, settle down," the red amulet soothed. "Let's not be
irrational."
Amber: that one sounds like Mom.
Lizzie: stop giving out spoilers!
The
girl sniffed and dropped the stone back to the ground. "It'd better not
make fun of me anymore, then."
The blue amulet flickered
weakly. "Sheesh. This is going to be a long lifetime."
August: did you mean for that to sound so stupid?
Lizzie:….
As Misty's hand darted near it
threateningly, it added quickly, "I mean, never mind!"
"Why didn't you
give her one of those freezing jolts you were so quick to give my bearer?"
the green amulet asked poutingly.
Amber: dissent in the ranks!
"Yeah!"
Brock added indignantly.
Jhonen: ah, anarchy.
"Oh, shut up. Anyway, the
world as we know it was created by a supreme being. Like, oh, I dunno, like a
god or something."
August: who was that talking? Cause they sounded DUMB!
"Was
it a Pokémon?" Ash asked in awe.
All: Moron.
"No! Don't be stupid!
Lizzie: Like that'll ever happen.
It created Pokémon, so how the heck could it be one? And
it wasn't a human either. It was a... divine thing or something. Oh, it doesn't
matter!"
Amber: I think it does matter to some people.
Jhonen: like those people in the Carolinas who handle
venomous snakes to test their faith in God!
"The troubles we go
through... try and keep quiet. This is hard enough as it is."
Lizzie: It caused them pain to recount the horrible tale.
"Anyway,
this supreme being, for some reason, created the world as we know it. Maybe it
was bored, I dunno."
August: what DO you know, you sodding git?!
"Basically, it formed a
big ball of clay. Lovely, no?"
Amber (sarcastic): C'est magnifique.
August: you just put a bunch of French-sounding stuff in
here to make it seem clever.
"Then
it cracked this ball in four places, releasing four elements: fire, water, plant,
and rock."
Lizzie: Oh, god, this is crap.
Jhonen: And here I thought the story was getting better.
"These have always been
the main elements, seeing as how they were the first to be created."
Amber: well, golly gee, that's interesting!
The
red amulet spoke with a sense of pride. Ash suddenly realized that the three
amulets were of these elements: fire, water, and plant-life.
Lizzie: Took him long enough.
'Eerie how that
worked out,'
August: not really.
he thought with a shiver.
Amber: wussy.
"Eerie?" the
blue amulet said to him privately. The words echoed in his head, but went
unheard by his friends.
Jhonen: wait, I though the blue one was the loud, tactless
one?
"Surely you don't think it was just
coincidence?"
Lizzie: actually, I do.
The previous shiver turned
into a full-body trembling.
August: See now, this is just sad.
The amulets continued. "Then
the divine being stirred a wind that blew through its new world, and with this
wind came ice."
Amber: I'm sensing this foreboding, stupid pattern here.
"A layer of rock
formed on the world and became what would become ground-type."
Jhonen: and the monotony continued.
"From the water that had
been created, a rainstorm started, and with a crash of lightening, electricity
was born unto the world."
August: And all the Bible-thumpers slit their throats in the
unholy horror of it all.
Jhonen: ooh, good one.
"You getting us
here?"
The
three friends nodded mutely.
Lizzie: they'd been put into a trance, like religious sheep
watching televangelists.
August: Reincarnation!
(Liz and August snicker)
"Thus,
all elements of the world were created. And then the divine being creator did
something a little odd. It
Amber: did the Hokey Pokey!
Jhonen: went on an insane killing spree!
August: got really, really drunk!
Lizzie: hosted Saturday Night Live!
took a little bit of itself and put it on its new world.
Amber: this is getting weird.
From its mind, it cut away a bit
August: eww. But cool.
Jhonen: hehe…brains…
Lizzie: you're not one of the walking dead, are you? (pokes
him in the eye with a pen)
Jhonen: OW!
and put it on its world, starting a race of psychics.
August: (miss Cleo) aww, lemme tell you, girl, yo man, he
aint bein true to ya.
Amber: (miss Cleo) and I'm guessin by this card, you got
some secrets of ya own.
And from its heart, it cut a piece away and made normal
types."
All: Aww.
Lizzie: I will use my heart power to calm this frightened
fawn!
"See,
it's odd, everybody loves their own type of Pokémon, and all are considered
highly powerful in their own way.
August: yes, we know.
But everybody seems to underestimate Normal types.
Amber: because they suck! Fire types forever!
In truth, there's something about them... something very
powerful and dangerous.
Lizzie: *snicker* ha, no.
August: powerful and dangerous…like a Rattata!
They're the favored ones of this entire world's
creator."
All: (overpowered by laughter)
August: that's not even relevant to the plot later on, is
it?
"Pretty freaky, ain't
it?"
Jhonen: more like stupid.
"So this is how all
Pokémon came about?" Misty's voice was shaky.
Lizzie: from laughing at all that bullshit I wrote!
"Yeah, pretty
much."
"Blowing your mind
yet?"
August: (Brock) whoa, all the pretty colors…
Lizzie: (Misty) Brock, lemme check to see if your pupils are
dilated.
Amber: (Ash, whiny) she never checks MY pupils…
"So
here this world was, populated entirely by Pokémon. And for a while, it worked
out pretty good. But then the psychic types took control.
Tengu: (outside) woo! Go psychics!
Lizzie: what the hell? He's loose?
Figured they had ultimate power over all."
Jhonen: damn despots.
"Divine power, that is.
You know, since they were made from the creator's brain, they figured they were
special."
August: (loud, directed at Tengu) yeah, special Ed!
"And then there was this
whole interbreeding thing that took place, resulting in several species who had
a couple different types. You know: fire slash flying, poison slash psychic,
you know what I mean."
August: Japanese slash Mexican, it's all good.
Lizzie: you know those biracial people. Being all…uh,
biracial
"Pokémon started dying
out, resulting in ghost types everywhere. With all the ghosts around, the
psychics were threatened, so soon this big world war started up."
Amber: until Nintendo came out with Gold/Silver, which had
Dark and Steel types to neutralize this crisis.
Lizzie: ah, but this was written before all that.
"So one day the ultimate
creator decided to check on its little science project, and was a little
dismayed to find it had erupted into chaos."
August: you know, I'm pretty sure I wrote something like
this for Creative Writing once.
"Course it'd put too much
time into our world to let it fail then, so it did a couple things to fix it
all up."
Jhonen: like NUCLEAR WAR!!
Lizzie: don't bomb Pearl Harbor, kids.
"First off, to straighten
out the psychic types, it created an ultimate breed. It decided this one'd be
its favorite, so it put a little extra time into making it.
August: Damn fictional creator, favoring one critter above
the rest…where's the democracy?!
Lizzie: that went when George W. got elected.
And it went all
out on the materials: it combined a piece of its mind and its heart, and spent
quite a while forming the whole thing. The result looked a little too cute for
a killing machine, but it was so powerful, only a fool would be swayed by its
adorability."
August: not a word.
Jhonen: I see where this is going.
"Mew?"
Ash asked, his throat dry with anxiety. Could it be that Team Rocket had gotten
its hands on the amulet of their world's creator's prize Pokémon?
Lizzie: (ash) gasp! I'll never let you have my-uh, the
creator's favorite Pokémon amulet!
"You guessed it,
buddy-boy."
"And Mew did its job. The
psychic types weren't strong enough to go against Mew's word, and Mew stood for
peace.
Jhonen: and whoop-ass.
So the war kinda died down."
August: Kinda. It's still there, but run down, like the
former Soviet Union. The psychics are selling arms to Iraq now.
"But our world's creator,
ever thinking, and maybe having a teeny bit too much time on its hands, took
its world's protection to the next level: it created a new life."
Lizzie: this is why you never let God get bored. It always
ends badly.
"Borrowed a piece of its
best friend, another divine being's, body and slapped human life on its
self-made world."
August: how good of friends were they? Cause, I mean, you're
cool and all that, Liz, but ya aren't getting my kidneys.
"It figured that, humans
being the authority figures they are, they could shake a little sense into the
Pokémon race."
Jhonen: (Gary) Authority? More like, Stupid-ority.
Lizzie: and here we have Gary, as portrayed in chapter 13.
"Of course, that didn't
work out. The humans easily dominated the world.
Jhonen: with their mind-numbing idiocy.
The Pokémon became their slaves."
Amber: I'm sensing a tie-in to "Brother, Rebel" here.
Maybe sensing the hurt look on Ash's face, the amulet
added, "Now, some humans have no harmful intent when they raise their
Pokémon. And many Pokémon love their masters and the lives they lead. But the
simple truth is, Pokémon were never meant to serve man."
August: yeah, good going, amulet. Sugar-coat your
Ash-bashing.
"Which is where we come
in."
Lizzie: cue entrance music
"And
us, too?" Misty asked curiously, eyes wide with interest.
The amulets paused. Finally,
the blue spoke up. "Not really. You come in a little later."
"Oh."
Jhonen: now THAT was funny.
"It took the divine
being a while to think it up, but it finally figured out how to solve this
serious little problem. What was the problem? The humans. And what is the only
thing that can overpower a human?"
Jhonen: NUCLEAR WAR!!
August: Laser weasels!!
Lizzie: Donnelly's math class!
Amber: Germ Warfare!!
"A Pokémon clearly
couldn't do the job: the most powerful of their kind, Mew, had already been
captured by the humans, and subjected to horrible experiments..."
August: Okay, delving into the realm of non-canon again.
Lizzie: I must change that.
The amulet broke off with what sounded like a shiver.
Amber: you'd think this story was supposed to be scary or
something.
"Yeah. So basically,
the divine being decided that the Pokémon savior would have to be a
human."
August: yeah, that'll work real good. Take Tengu for
example.
"Our world's creator
thought things through, I'll give it that. It realized that any one human could
die, or be killed, at any time. Likewise, one person wouldn't make much of a
difference. Not like a whole army of people would."
Jhonen: an army of DOOM!!!
"And so, after a few
hours' worth of deep thought, it was struck with the idea."
"The idea," the
other two amulets chorused.
Lizzie: the Poképersonalities idea.
"The... idea?"
"That's right. You
remember how all the elements came to be? Well, in the same way, it made
hundreds of amulets, one for each type of Pokémon."
Amber: wow, that's real exciting. Really merits being called
"The Idea", if you ask me.
"That's
what we are. Three of more than two hundred amulets out there."
All: (twerps) wow.
Amber: (Ash) *busily counting on toes*
"So with these little
pieces of rock, the creator randomly selected one human to be the holder of the
amulet."
Lizzie: emphasis on randomly.
August: which blatantly contradicts what you wrote earlier.
"See, whoever was destined
to hold the amulet was also destined to represent that certain type of Pokémon.
This way, all Pokémon were certain to have a 'savior', so to speak. Plus,
enough humans were selected to actually make a difference."
"Yeah. There was a
veritable army of humans on the Pokémon's side."
"Now, truthfully, a couple
hundred doesn't make for a very large army, especially against modern
technology.
Amber: wasn't this in ancient times, though?
Lizzie: ….shut up!
But when you take into consideration how some of the
chosen humans had a substantial amount of money and power, and that all of them
had Pokémonish attacks--"
August: finally, we see some magical kung-fu!
"What?
We can do Pokémon attacks?" Ash's eyes grew very big.
"Yes, but we'll get
into that later. Don't interrupt."
Jhonen: (Mrs. Bitters) you're NOTHING.
"But
wait a minute! What was that about money and power?" Misty asked curiously.
August: well, we know who's only in this for the money,
then.
"A handful of the
humans selected by the creator were either very wealthy or of high social
class. Take the man who carries the Snorlax amulet these days. He's the
governor of something-or-other.
Amber: shouldn't they know this?
A very fine
gentleman, if a little on the heavy side. You'll meet him soon enough."
"We'll meet him?
When?"
August: Identify the speaker!
"Never mind that! We'll
never finish, at the rate of interruptions we're getting!"
Jhonen: sounds like your writing process, Lizzie.
"Well,
geez, sorry." Ash rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath.
"What was that?"
August: yes, do tell.
"Uh....
nothin'."
"That's better.
Lizzie: They're all so whipped…
Anyway, so the
whole amulet idea worked out really well."
All: *snickering madly*
"We were first introduced
to this world one hundred years ago today.
August: uhm…yeah….you are going to change this, right? Cause
this doesn't work out with the rest of the story.
Lizzie: It'll mean more delays..
While our humans were united in the movement against
Pokémon slavery, we were powerful. But humans die, and our holders were no
exception."
It seemed to the three friends that the amulets spoke with no small amount of
pain.
Jhonen: aw, poor pieces of rock…
"So our creator refined us."
"We,
the amulets, have new bearers now. The bravest, the strongest, the best the
world could offer.
All: *overpowered by laughter*
You three were picked for all these reasons-"
All: *still laughing*
"Aw, gee." Ash
blushed.
"Yes, you're very cool,
Ash.
August: you want the honors, J-man?
Jhonen: (Zim) you lie! You LIIIEEEE!!!
May we continue?"
"Will you guys always be
this uptight?"
Lizzie: does The Stick like to show off his muscles?
"No. This just needs to
be explained fairly badly, so we're trying to get it done and said.
Understand?"
Amber: isn't it usually 'said and done?'
"Oh. Okay. Yeah,
sorry."
"Right. So anyway, you,
our second owners,
Lizzie: yes, yes, it shall be changed.
are going to be a
little better off than our old ones."
"Like
how?" Misty asked, trying to suppress some of the nervousness in her
voice, and not succeeding.
"You'll see."
"Oh, that's helpful."
August: hehe. Shot down.
"Glad to be of
assistance. But there's a lot more than just that, that you need to know."
"You and the other amulet
bearers are going to undergo a mission more important than you could ever
imagine."
All: bum bum BUMMM!!!!
It must have sensed somehow
Amber: but they don't have eyes!!
the stricken looks that simultaneously assumed control of
the three friends' faces, because it said quietly, "We won't go into
that any further here. It is not our place."
Lizzie: (Sam Neil) it's just not DONE!
"But
whose place is it? You keep telling us things, and then you refuse to
explain!" Misty's voice was shrill with anxiety.
Jhonen: and pure, grade-A bitchyness.
"Calm down,
Misty." The red amulet's soothing voice filled the young girl's mind,
and the girl's alone, like an enfolding blanket, full of warmth and love.
August: Awww…reminds me of a very odd conversation with Hez.
"It'll all be all right. You'll see. It looks big
now... but you have no way of knowing the happiness that will soon fill your
life."
The
girl smiled. "I believe you."
"Anyway, back to what
we were saying. We can't explain anymore to you -- but someone else can. I
think it's time for you three to pack up and move out once again, but we aren't
going to one of your other Pokémon Gym cities."
"That's no longer an
aspect of your life. Get used to the idea, Ash Ketchum. You'll never be a
Pokémon master."
Lizzie: and somewhere in the distance, Gary Oak laughed in
pure, cold-hearted joy.
"I
know," the boy said simply. "I have it under good consul" (he
winked at the blue amulet)
All: LAME!
"That I'm not
going to mind. I may not see why now, but I'm too overwhelmed to argue."
"Good boy. That's the
right state of mind to be in. You three are very lucky -- and very, very
special.
August: once again, special Ed.
You don't understand now, but you will."
"Yes, you will, and very
soon, I should think. Like we said, we're going to have to get started. We've
got a ways to go."
"Where are we going?"
Misty asked inevitably.
"To a convention just
for people like you. I think it's time you met up with some of your fellow
amulet bearers.
Amber: since they're the coolest ones in this whole freaking
story.
Every single person who carries an amulet is meeting in a
pre-ordained place tonight. You're going to learn a lot of stuff: what kind of
powers you have now, what your life is going to be like, who your friends are,
and" (the
voice lowered) "who your enemies are..."
All: bum bum BUMMM!!
"We
think it's pretty important that you be there."
"I pretty much
agree," Brock said in a strangled voice.
Jhonen: that sentence made absolutely no sense.
"It's settled, then.
Now get walking!"
Lizzie: (whip sound effect)
The
other presences withdrew from their minds, leaving each trainer with only their
own amulet and their roiling thoughts to brood over. Without another word, the
three hoisted their backpacks onto their backs and set off down a path that no
one had picked, but that they known to follow deep in their hearts.
Jhonen: the path...to DOOOOMM!!!
Amber: okay, you really need to cut back on the
caffeine.
Everyone left the theater, more or less tired of the
monotonous work of making fun of things. It really wears people out. August,
however, had one thing to point out.
"Hey, it
didn't have any of those crazy paragraph break-y bracket things! That was a
welcome change!"
"So, you
think the story's getting better?" Lizzie asked hopefully.
"I don't
know about that." Jhonen said thoughtfully. "It's still really crappy."
"Oh, it's a
lot better with the avatars in it." August reassured him. [Author's note: at
this point, I would like to state once and for all that avatars are original fanfic
characters. Okay? Get it?]
Suddenly, Lizzie's hair changed
color for no apparent reason. Before, it had been sort of reddish brown-blonde,
and it was now a rather bright shade of toothpaste blue-green. Jhonen was in
awe.
"That was
cool. Hey, dude! You look whiter than usual!" true enough, the normally pale
Lizzie looked even paler, due to the blue tone of her tresses [A/N: yes, I've
got excessive Thesaurus disease, too. It seemed poetic, dammit!]
While Lizzie left to go slam her head into a wall and talk
to Darren the piano prodigy, August and Endril were enjoying their usual
pastime of talking to foreign people about movies. In fact, August was still on
such of a MR high (Moulin Rouge, not Mummy Returns.) that she decided to post a
bit of conversation in the MST (there was still a reality anomaly going on,
indicated by Lizzie's hair) for all the world to see. And thus, everyone would
come to know Hez, and he would be misunderstood for the rest of his days.
August had a fine bout of snickers for hours.
***************************************
Author's weird
end-of-fic speech-y thingy:
Well, school's out, and,
surprisingly, I still have way too many things to do, even though I'm a huge
slacker and have not a job, nor camp, nor any other distraction in my life. I
have merely given myself way too many writing project-y thingies to do. That is
all. Update: I don't type good. My spelling is bad. Lizzie's hair really is
that color, and she's gonna lose her job in the fast-food (well, I dunno bout fast)
preparation industry for it, haha. Seriously tho, folks, hair color is a funny
thing. There's this dude at my dad's work that's sort of like a crazy, white
version of Jhonen. Except without the drawing talent, but still….scary, no?
It's like a sign. Apologies for
all the religious references in this chapter, I dunno what came over me. The
whole writing style kinda got shot to hell in this one. Hopefully it'll be
corrected by chapter 7. Does anyone actually read this part? Because I'm
thinking of turning this into my personal Blog or something. A general
observation about the state of this fic: I'm finding it really hard to keep
Jhonen in character. I mean, I don't really know the man, and it's not like
he's a made-up character (imaginary people!) so it's a problem. I feel really
bad about it, since he's pretty much quoting himself the entire time. Which is
slightly worse than me quoting himself. And for the most part, the jokes in
this fic are written by me, on the spur of the moment, very late at night,
while reading this, there's no set format for it, so every chapter has kind of
a different feeling to it. And since I'm the only one writing this (except for
chapter 3, that one was with Endril, and it worked out great) I'm finding it
extremely difficult to write as four to five different characters. If I'd been
sane beforehand, writing this would have given me multiple personalities. As it
is, my multiple personalities are getting worse. Hey, I just noticed something.
I'm losing my equilibrium. I feel like I'm sitting all tilty. Of course, this
could be due to the fact that I'm sitting on a rolly chair and my ass is numb,
but still. Kind of odd, don'cha think? Ugh. I can't stop writing now. I write a
lot. And it's all in Matrix green, such a pretty color. Of course, if any of
you readers don't like the color Matrix green, and want me to change it, just
gimme an email, and I'll see what I can do. Or laugh in your face, either way,
it's worth a shot. You know something? Harry Potter is a cool series. And if I
wasn't reading the Amber Spyglass, I'd go read Prisoner of Azkaban now. I think
that one's the best. Much like how Empire Strikes Back is so much better than A
New Hope or Return of the Jedi. Stupid Ewoks. Okay, am I scaring you kids? And
yes, I am a foul-mouthed, opinionated bitch. I already know that. But if you
want to flame me about this fic, feel free. I've gotten all positive comments
on everything I've ever published on the Internet. I'm beginning to think all
of you people are mindless fic-zombies, ready to praise anything with witty
humor. I could be wrong. I want to be proven wrong! So flame me, please! You can flame me here. I have tons
of snappy comebacks just lying around, like so much crap piled up in my room! I
need negative feedback! All the praise is making me doubt my writing ability!
(This is just getting odd now) bwa. I feel not…smart… no more. And, to continue
on my downward spiral of obsessive, overused phrases, Brain-poop. Eesh. I'm not
my own person anymore. Like some sort of obsession-junky zombie, I am. Or, it
could just be the two drumsticks I ate today. The ice-cream kind, not the
poultry kind. I only like white meat in birdy-eatin. Beef is good. And never
order steak well done. Don't order fish
on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday, either, they'll give you Friday's catch. Sick,
no? hmmm. Why am I giving y'all
restaurant-dining tips, anyway? I'm just repeating what me mum told me from an
Oprah episode she saw. That Dr. Phil. He tells it like it is. I could be like
that, if I ever met anyone stupid enough.
And since I just typed British again (me mum) I'm thinking about
Trainspotting, which was on a while back. Sure, I had to flip between that and
X-men: the movie, since my folks dun really like me watching r-rated stuff
without their permission, but the flick is still durn good. Heroin and all
that. Drugs are bad, kids. Very bad. However, angsty, pissed off Renton with
cancer-patient haircut is very, very good. Go see dat movie, if it be possible.
I still haven't seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Aint that sad? Yes, it is. I need ta write da wondrous
tales of crackhouse. And I ramble now, yes I do. Oh! I could go listen to Everclear
and read Amber Spyglass, instead of pouring my heat out to you people I don't
know! Yes, I shall do that! Good-bye, you crazies. Oh, you poor, doomed
children.
~August [11:09 pm]
Here is the quote, which I mentioned at the end of the fic,
for your confusion and enjoyment: